A Sgt. Crowley monologue from the upcoming movie "My Beer With Barry."

(AP photo/Alex Brandon)

(No, there really isn't a movie in the works with that title, but a man can dream, can't he?)

"With all due respect, Barry, here's the thing... Oh, did that bother you, me not calling you Mister President and all? That get under your thin skin, so that's why you're eyeballing me? Yeah, well, I'm not big on even giving lip service to people who lie their way into the Presidency, then turn around and make a power grab that would make Hugo Chavez blush. But I digress...

"See, Barry, here's the thing... You're an idiot. You've never worn a uniform, either military or law enforcement, yet you have the sand to call my fellow officers and me stupid? You can't even pay your parking tickets, jerk. The only reason I'm here at this juvenile P.R. stunt of yours is so that I could tell you to your face that out of a class of 44 people who've been able to say they were President of this country, you're the worst. You're the only one who flat lied his way into office, you're setting yourself up as a dictator, and if you keep pushing, one way or another you're gonna get thrown out on your oversized ear. Oh, sensitive about that, too?

"You better remember this, Barry. The only thing you can do right now, with all those telephoto lenses trained on us, is smile and nod. You can't frown, can't look down your nose at me, can't even say anything that lip readers could pick up on. People aren't watching me, they're watching how a bigot like you has to backpedal when the racism jumps out of his mouth. And if you mess with me and mine, those FOX News types you hate so much are gonna come down on your so hard that the rest of the press will have to say something, too. You keep your bigoted nose out of Cambridge, Barry. Think that plumber gave you fits? With all due respect, Barry, you ain't seen nothin' yet..."

--Mike